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* Exploding Bum bum's                 *
* Perfect Dark fanfiction by MoronSim *
* 2001				      *
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"What the hell was that?" Carrington yelled in a stern, but sensitive tone.
I"I don't know sir, but we'll check you, or it out!" says Joanna in the reptillian voice. 
As Agent Joanna Dike slithered out of Carrington's office her ass exploded sending shards of 
glass through the roof. 
"Skedar, my ass ALWAYS explodes around Skedar" Ms. Dike said, then realizing that she forgot to 
wear pants that morning.
"Well Dikie, we betta be going. Wessssssssssside!" Ghetto Exlax screamed as he whipped out his 
twim LX's and ran toward the hangar.
As Ghetto Exlax arrived in the hanger with his woman, Ms. Dike, he popps a cap in the annoying 
hanger guy's head.
"Some Ghetto action for the lumberlack. West coast mofo!"
As the hanger guy's corpse hit the ground it flickered, revealing the body of a fallen Skedar.
"Dear God, they're already here" Dike moaned softly. 
Just then an explosioned sounded in the strip club in the basement of the Carrington Institute.
"Those ghetto bastards betta stay away from my club. Wessssssssssssside!"
Our heros depart to CI's strip club unaware of the dangers ans exotic dnacers that await them.

"Ooh, dere gunna be some ass-bashin if dose Mofos wreck my club! Wesssssssssssside!" Ghtto 
Exlax loved porno as if it were his son, and his club, "Quazimofos", had become the world's 
leading porno producer. 
The two had arrived at the secret lift.
"Butt farmer." Ghetto Exlax said in his sleek tone. He was ready to bash some serious ass.
From out of nowhere the floor dropped out and the two fell miles down towards the earth's cold 
core while listening to "Elton John Plays His Hits" before landing outside Ghetto's club.
Agent Dike immediately slithered through the front door. As she entered she got ass fried. 
"Aaaah!!! Why the hell is the lazergate still up? This place is getting ass-bashed by bombs and 
we have to pay the cover charge!?!?!?!" 
"That's right Mofo, no free porn for you! Wesside!" They each paid thier $3.50 and entered the 
forbiddon strip club.
"West coast Mofos, what happenin, 'Quazimofos' is deserted! Wessssside!!!" Ghetto Exlax looked 
around inquizitavely, knowing that something bad ass was responsible for that explosion.
"It's too bad my ass exploded, or I could its heat sencors to check for lifesigns." agent Dike 
screamed repeatedly.
"Well, woman. I got you covered, bot me a boy in Toronto who can hook you up with one fine ass, 
no crazy radar though! Wessssssside!!!" As the two made thier way through the club, it gradually 
became darker and darker. 
Just then, out of nowhere sprang a purple rabbit.
"Follow sigh, eh? Lead to BIG mess, you knob. You not gunna like it, eh? Thos hosers destroyed 
your club! Don't worry bout me, I hoarked some porno before they stole the stach, eh?"
The purple rabbit flew through a hole in the roof, but fell straight back down. Its head had 
been sliced off with extreme precision.
"We dealn with the most dangerous Mofos of dem all, Canadians. Wessssssssside!!!"
The first sign read 'Master the Ass'

"West coast, Mofo! I have mastad de ass! I can sing wit it, beotch! Wessssssssssssssssside!!!" 
As Ghetto Exlax crapped out the theame to 'Titanic' Agent Dike light up a cigar. The spark 
egnighted Ghetto's Gangsta Gas and blew a hole through a nearby wall.
"Oh, HARDER baby!!!" Screamed Dike
"dikie, you best pray I still got ass hair, beotch! Cuz if you burnt it off you know I'll scalp 
you and get an implant. I could see your hair on my ass. I'd need to comb it, though. 
Wesssssssssssside!!!"
A voice came from the other room. "Something blew up, eh?"
Ghetto Exlax drew his twin LX's and made his way to the hole in the wall. Ms. dike was coiled 
in the corner playing a game of 'Hide the Sausage'.
"Get the hell ova here, Dikie. We got some Canadians to ass-bash!"
"Hey! Don't shoot us, you hoser." the Canadians pleaded, but Ghetto Exlax had already dropped 
his pants. He bent over and shot. Four shots, three dead Canaians.
"Way to go, Lumberjack, they were trying to help us!!!" Agent Dike said smartassidly.
"Shut yo trap, woman. don't need no lip from some ass-less Mofo like you. Wesssssssssside!!!" 
The agents proceded to the big steel door with the 'Rush' bumper sticked slapped on it. Ghetto 
peeked through. 
"Oh, Shazbutt!!! Four Canadians, all with Klobbs!!!" You could hear the fear in his voice.
"Let's head back, I don't wanna be messing with Klobb's" Agent Dike said softly
Just then they heard Carrington's voice "It's worse than that, they have SEX TOYS!!!"

"Don't come near me, you knob. You're askin' for trouble!" The Canadians screamed. Ghetto Exlax 
knew that he could take the Canadians, but not with Klobbs!
"What yo plan, Mofo? Wesssssssssssside!!!" Ghetto asked Ms.Dike. She had just finished her game 
of 'Hide the Sausage' and was ready for action.
She responded, "Well first of all...AAH!!! What is THAT!!!" A metallic object sailed through the 
door and landed near Agent Dike. she knew what it was, and began to use it.
"Yo, Dikie, that aint no dildo, beotch. That's an N-Bomb! Wesssssssssssssside!!!" As Ms. dike 
sat on the misleading weapon, she had forgotten that her ass exploded. That's a good thing, too, 
because just then it released its toxic ketchup. The blue slime splashed over everything. 
"Mabey I won't hook you up wit that ass, you just gunna break it anyway. Wessssssside!!!" 
"Dams, I KNEW I should have brought a hot dog today." As Ms. Dike slithered through the blue 
mess, the Canadians opened fire.
"West coast Mofo, we can settle this thing now, just leave the porno in the vault. 
Wessssssssssside!!!" Ghetto pleaded with the Klobb weilding Canadians, but he knew the greedy 
bastards would hoark all the porn.
"No way, eh? We come from Canada, eh? Too much snow, not enough porn. We need to have a 50-50 
mix, eh?"
"West coast, theres an ass-load of snow in Canada. Those Mofos would have to dip into my PRIVATE 
STOREAGE to hoark that much porn" Ghetto had had enough. He stormed into the room, shooting 
round after round through the greedy Canadian's heads. After the two who held Carrington hostage 
turned, Daniel used his beer-belly to grab, fold, and crush the Klobb bearing terrorists.
"We'll be back, eh? Come forth, you hosers!" The Canadian leader, Bob, called to his flock. Just 
then thousands of purple Canada geese flew into the PornoStorage Room. When all the birds were 
gone, so were the Canadians.
"West coast, we saved my porno, beotch! Wessssssssssssside! And I'll be sending those Dirty 
Canadians the bill for the cover charge." Ghetto said proudly.
"And you wanna know that funny thing. Those suckers will have to pay MORE than the 3.50, cuz 
thier CANADIANS!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!" Agent Dike rolled through the ketchup in uncontolled laughter.
"Looks like SOMEONE reeds some of thier Rooffies!"

As we leave this holy place of porno distribution, we gave as our faithful hero forces the 
Date-Rape Drug down his woman's throat. This is the kind of scene that will go down in history 
as the greatest love scenes of all-time. 

Fin