"That's it!" he shouted, startling his lieutenant, who was standing nearby.

A few moments passed.

"What's it, sir?" the lieutenant finally inquired.

"Shut up, you!" Carthage bellowed, smacking him upside the head with the remote.

"Yes, sir! Shutting up, sir!" the lieutenant sputtered, backing up slightly.

Carthage explained:

"We won't find Ninja Pole Man, lieutenant. We'll make Ninja Pole Man come to us!"

"But, um, that is, how are we going to do that, sir?" the lieutenant cringed, anticipating another blow from the remote control. Luckely, Carthage was ignoring him.

"We'll attack the most crowded public place in town. That many innocent civilians in one place will draw Ninja Pole Man like a moth to flame."

Still cringing, the lieutenant ventured a breathless "And then what, sir?"

Carthage grinned.

"And then..." he slammed the remote into the meaty palm of his left hand to illustrate.

"Helm!" Carthage shouted.

"Yes, sir?"

"Set course for the mall."

"Aye, sir!"

As the airship got underway, Carthage gently slid the remote control into the specially-made leather sheath he wore on his belt, folded his arms, and leaned back againts the airship's railing. Soon, Ninja Pole Man, soon.

Wally Weatherwax scratched his chin, considering the options. On one hand, the electric pencil sharpener was faster, but then again, the manual one was on sale.

"Decisions, decisions." he muttered absent-mindedly. After a few more moments, he made up his mind, snatched up the electric one, and made his way to the counter. Smiling halfheartedly at the clerk, he began to empty his cart out onto the counter. The pencil sharpener, a new briefcase, a box of ballpoint pens...

Wally sighed. Normally, a trip to Big Ed's Accounting Supplies would be more than enough to keep him entertained, but lately, he'd just been, well, bored. After all, Whirlwind, Willy McBean, El Torpedo, Dishonest Abe, and even the villainous filmmaker Ron Coward were all safely behind bars. It had been almost two full months since a costumed supervillian had shown up to wreak havoc in the city.

Maybe, he thought, just maybe my days as Ninja Pole Man are over.

As if on cue, the unmistakable sound of breaking glass erupted from outside the store, followed closely by gunfire and the screams of startled mall patrons. At once, the customers and crew of Big Ed's began to panic, until Wally stepped forward, proclaiming:

"Never fear fellow shoppers, for I am..." he ducked behind the checkout counter, springing back up seconds later clad in a white karate outfit, broomstick in hand, "...Ninja Pole Man!"

Ninja Pole Man dashed out of the store and swiftly made his way to where the commotion had eminated: the food court. After a short run past several dozen frantic mall customers, all headed in the opposite direction, Ninja Pole Man rounded the corner and came face to face with the source of the trouble. He was a heavyset balding man in his late forties. He wore black combat boots and loose-fitting camouflage clothing. In his right hand, he clutched what appeared to be a television remote control. Flanking him were a dozen other man in uniform, all aiming rifles straight at Ninja Pole Man. Behind them, a rope ladder led up through the shattered remains of the food court skylight to what looked like a massive wooden airship hovering over the mall.

"Ah, Ninja Pole Man." the stranger said, "So glad you could make it. It's a pity that you have to die, but you're the only one who can prevent me from taking over this city. It's nothing personal, you understand."

"And who might you be, fiend?" Ninja Pole Man asked defiantly.

"The name's Carthage. General Carthage. But enough small talk. Men, open fire!"

The dozen soldiers surrounding Carthage simultaneously opened fire on Ninja Pole Man, sending hundreds of rounds shooting his way. Ninja Pole Man merely yawned and began to twirl his broomstick in front of him, faster and faster until it could only be perceived as a light brown blur. As Carthage looked on in awe, Ninja Pole Man's rapidly spinning stick neatly deflected the cloud of hot lead, which then spread out, peppering the food court with bullet holes.

Ninja Pole Man shook his head in dismay.

"When will you criminals learn that your high-powered assault rifles with explosive-tipped, armor-piercing bullets are no match for my wooden broomstick?"

Carthage growled in frustration. This was going to be harder than he thought.

"Drop your weapons, men! Go hand-to-hand! Get him!"

Reluctantly, the soldiers dropped their weapons and surged towards Ninja Pole Man. Undaunted, he spun his stick over his head in a dazzling display of martial arts prowess. Upon reaching Ninja Pole Man. the confused soldiers looked back questioningly at Carthage.

"I said get him!" the General snarled.

The soldiers shrugged and continued charging at Ninja Pole Man. One by one, they were struck down by the hero's lightning-fast broomstick. Before long, Ninja Pole Man stood victorious, surrounded by unconscious thugs.

"What can I say?" he asked with a smirk, "I'm good!"

"Idiots!" Carthage shouted, "I'll kill you myself!"

Raising the remote over his head, Carthage let out a roar and barreled across the food court towards Ninja Pole Man. Upon reaching him, he lowered it in a powerful swing that Ninja Pole Man easily dodged. Ninja Pole Man struck Carthage across the midsection with his stick, doubling him over.

"Drop and gimme twenty, soldier!" Ninja Pole Man quipped.

Carthage regained his footing and fixed Ninja Pole Man with a vicious glare.

"That's it, Ninja Pole Man! Now you're really gonna get it!" he reared back, preparing to throw the remote at his adversary.

"Take this!" he screamed as he hurled the remote control at Ninja Pole Man with all of his considerable might.

"Batter up!" said Ninja Pole Man. he raised his broomstick and hit the remote right back at Carthage. It struck the General squarely in the forehead, knocking him out cold.

A few minutes later, the police arrived.

"Well," the sergeant remarked as General Carthage and his henchmen were handcuffed and herded into waiting police cars, "It looks like Ninja Pole Man has done it again."

"It sure does." agreed a fellow officer.

At that moment, Wally Weatherwax strode into the food court, Orange Julius in hand.

"Hey, officers," he said nonchalantly, "What's going on?"

The sergeant laughed.

"Well, a mob of machine gun-wielding psychos just tried to take over the mall, but other than that, not too much."

Wally shrugged.

"I must've been in the bathroom or something."

At home later that night, Wally sat in front of the television listening to the newscaster recite the details of Ninja Pole Man's latest heroic adventure. His cat Fozzie was curled up in his lap, purring contentedly.

"You know, Fozzie," he said, "Just earlier today I was wondering if the need for Ninja Pole Man might have passed. But now I see that there will always be creeps like Carthage out there ready to menace innocent citizens at a moment's notice. Thus, I must remain eternally vigilant. My keen wit, iron will, and mighty broomstick are the only things separating this city from chaos and anarchy. Yes, I am a sentinel. A proud defender of all that is..."

Wally trailed off, realizing that Fozzie had absolutely no idea what he was saying.

"Well, you get the idea."

Fozzie meowed.

Wally sat there on the couch for a while more. Then, he and the cat went out for pizza