2. Before leaving for school/work, you make a list of your goals for each day, calling them "objectives." If even one fails, you "abort" and go home for the day.

3. You stare at your blender wondering how to activate its "reapage" function.

4. When watching movies, you get carried away and shout at Robocop to ditch that "wussy MagSec 4."

5. You notice a supermarket tabloid headline that reads: "Elvis is a space alien" and think "Well, duh!"

6. You call Smith & Wesson and ask how much for a gold-plated 357 magnum with a tiger skin grip.

7. Your co-workers in the warehouse just give you odd looks when you ask when the new hovercrates are coming in.

8. When you come across a very high shelf, your first impulse is to launch a Slayer rocket to see what's up there rather than go for a stepladder.

9. You won't jump. At all. Ever. Period. Even when it would help you a lot.

10. You refuse to ever unclench your fists.

11. You use "CowardSim" as an insult.

12. Your attempts to run up ladders land you in the hospital. Repeatedly.

13. You pick things up off the floor and then wait around for them to "respawn."

14. You've been arrested multiple times for dropping out of ceiling vents and assaulting people in public restrooms.

15. You get angry when you see The Matrix ripping-off Perfect Dark's Grid level and slow-motion combat features.

16. You're highly upset when the Egyptian government denies you permission to stage massive gun battles in their historic temples.

17. Even if you're carrying mines or a rocket launcher, a locked door is a locked door, dammit! You'll just go find a key or something...

18. You're known to carry around dozens of guns and spy gadgets as well as thousands of rounds of ammunition. When asked where you keep them, you're shocked to discover that you don't know.

19. While visiting the carnival boardwalk, you strafe at the shooting gallery.

20. You watch Felicity on the WB network expecting to see violent gunplay in an abandoned chemical weapons plant.